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OMG OMG OMG OMG

So apparently there's going to be some kind of jelly wrestling event or something.
I know what I'm bringing.



Behold the GIANT SPOON OF KONOHA!
*is eagerly anticipating the sight of Shikamaru covered in jelly*

Hold me, Shikamaru.

*Chouji is sitting under a tree smoking a doobie. He is convinced the dolls are out to get him, so he goes off for a wander until he finds a convenient hole in the ground. He falls asleep due to being stoned off his face being kept awake by nightmares about the dolls.
He wakes up.
There is a doll...
....sitting...
...right...
...next to him.
Actually, no, it's not next to him, it's, er, in a rather compromising position*
THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, GUYS. HONEST.
Ino, you'd better not be taking photos, betch.

Chouji needs a date

So the Spring Gala is coming up, and apparently we're supposed to bring people? Anyone want to be my date? Ino? Hinata? Anyone? Kankuro can fuck off though
*makes the puppy eyes*

WHY

*Chouji can't remembr exactly how this happened - maybe he'd been at Chouza's weed stash again - but he has his arm stuck in a vending machine and can't move the damn thing*
Little help, guys? T_T
*Chouji is in his bedroom listening to MCR and writing bad gothic poetry*
Oh woe is me
My heart is blacker than Sasuke's hair the raven
Swimming in a sea of despair
I carve thy name into my arm with a rusty kunai
And paint the swirls on my face
WITH MY BLOOD.
O release.

I want to be skinny so I can snap like a twig
I want to walk through Konoha
And not leave a footprint
(And not just because I'm a ninja and someone might track me down)
Oy.

Yes I am an Akimichi
But that doesn't mean life is peachy (hey, that's a Korn album)
I shall rend my pen into my heart
Death, I cry for thee
Oh come sweet death.

I take my knife and STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB
And then I fall into the abyss
Of ultimate despair.
Oh Shikamaru I shalt miss thee and thy pineapple hair
And Ino and thy flowers.
I tear the petals from the stem of the black rose.
It is black.
Like my heart.
I cry
When ninjas deserve to die.


BRB, crying. T_T

aaargh

I think that weird transfer student with the tranny habits is stalking me.
DO NOT WANT. BRB, getting stoned. What with everything else going on at school, I really need a big fat doobie right now. T_T
Also, Ino, Dad says he doesn't mind making Inoichi an offer he can't refuse. His words, not mine.

Ou est le singe?

Chouji's French essay, translated:
Je voudrais visiter au Holland parce que il y a beaucoup de marijuana et c'est totalement legal. Je prendrais Ino et Shikamaru mais je ne prendrais pas Monsieur Asuma ou mon pere parce qu'ils fumeraient trop et riraient trop des choses stupides et aussi mon pere mangerait tous les vivres et tous les femmes. Y nous ne dirions rien a Inoichi ou il nous tuerait.
(I would like to go to Holland because there is lots of marijuana and it is totally legal. I would take Ino and Shikamaru but not Mr Asuma or my dad because they would smoke too much and laugh too much about stupid things and also my dad would eat all the food and all the women. And we would not tell Inoichi anything or he would kill us.)

Nous irions au cafe et puis au quartier chaud. Shikamaru voudrait un prostitue parce qu'il est mechant, mais je crois qu'il pensait eventuellement, "Bof, c'est suant" ou "Ou est le Neji? Ses cheveux sont si jolies." Je sais que il y a beaucoup de discotheques avec les hommes chauds.
(We would go to a cafe and then the red light district. Shikamaru would like a whore because he is naughty, but I think he would eventually think, "Meh, it's troublesome" or "Where is the Neji? His hair is so pretty." I know there are lots of clubs with hot mens.)

Aussi il y a beaucoup de tulipes et Ino aime les fleurs, et je crois qu'elle aime bien les tulipes et elle en vend dans le magasin Yamanaka. Et si Shikamaru tombait dans un canal, nous ririons de lui.
(Also there are lots of tulips and Ino likes flowers, and I think she really likes tulips and she sells them in Yamanaka's. And if Shikamaru fell in a canal, we would laugh at him.)
Chouji is still wondering how he ended up in the toilet with that shemale.
Also, black roses? Whaaat? He is a bit worried about this as they're kind of, yanno, black. O_o Ino, you know stuff about flowers, do black roses mean anything?
*Chouji returns to the Akimichi compound, which Chouza is rapidly cleaning. It stinks of weed and there's a suspicious amount of sake bottles in the trash. And why are there panties under the kotatsu?*
DAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!! IIII'M HOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!
Well, that ski trip was fun. XD I hope someone's got pics of Kiba in drag and will post them in the locker area so we can all point and laugh But we're back to school now. NOES. :( Although at least there's Kakashi-sensei's English classes and I won't have to worry about Ino's dad giving me the evils anymore o_O
Also I have a bad feeling about some of these students and teachers, particularly Deidara and Hidan...I think they're up to something. o_O
And it's the prom coming up and I need someone to go with *looks hopeful*

Snowy snowy snow snow

*Chouji has unpacked and wants to write a haiku about the snow. Also he is rooming with Shikamaru. ^_^ Bet Shika-kun wishes he was with Neji though. :( *

Iruka-sensei
Offered some skiing lessons
To those that want them

I'd be up for it
But I'll fall over and make
A tit of myself

Ah, how white the snow
Crisp and crunchy underfoot.
Now I'm craving chips.